ma boy gonna start going to skool again. fulfilling all his dreams. i cant wait to see him study like AGAIN. its been years since he last study thou. rusty brains i think. haha. but im damn excited for him! traineeship isnt gonna be easy thou. but i think with support and love from the people around him, i bet his gonna make it thru.

make us proud baby!

my heart aches for you,

and all i can think is of you.

but...

but...

but...


do i live this a lie?

what is this love anymore and anyway?

how can i love and not be able to?

and how can i love and be faltered?

do you even know me?

do you even know who i am?

is it love you just seek?

a simple feeling?

or really me?

well this has been going on in my head over and over.

because and just because.

i feel like i'm the only damn one who goes out there to actually meet and know people.

not that it's obligatory, i love it...

what i've always loved... hence music.

my first true love has come into my head again as a passing memory again.

i thought, and i knew, i still love her, for who she is and who she will ever be.

a person passing in my life.

i'm not scared of anything.

i just save my love for someone, someone really special i guess.

that's the way it goes.

i don't love everyone,

although i do.

there are really beautiful people i keep to my heart.


if you can see me,

my heart is open.

don't worry either...

i've always bothered about you.

love is a strange thing.

cause really, what is it?

i just like to show it.

if there wasn't love at all.

we'd be climbing mountains to realize it was just all meaningless...

this is the only place where i can express myself huh?

well take all of this in...

that the fact i may fall in love...

though i shall not.

because if i do i may think i'll be in trouble...

nah seriously.


help me with shit hahaha.

i may just pretending choose whatever.

it's sad that whoever esp francis and mel reads me stuff,

honestly i'd be begging for weeed every day but i dont...

now wit what ive found...

please dont fuck me up.

though because love to me is such a...

what tell me again.

i believe in it...
ohhh nooooo..........
hahahaha

im trying to figure out what the hell ure thinking.

im not the kind of girl who likes being romantic. so what the fuck huh?
im not the kind of girl who talks fucking softly and act like a lady like. whu gives a shit?
im not the kind of girl who bodoh-bodoh will listen to a guy when they asked me to meet them and i say yes without thinking. so dun force me.
im not the kind of girl who will fall for stupid tricks and sweet talker mother fucker who pretends to be a romeo. bullshit mr.
im not the kind of girl who listens to a guy's pet talk and do watever they say. crap shit uh i have ma own opinion too.

so mr watsoever ur name is, im not ur slave when ure bored and got nobody to hangout with, u'll be buzy looking for me. and when i said no, u treat me differently. what the fuck is ur problem? i rest ma case u ass.

i love what i have now. i love ma man, and i love some friends who deserve to be called as FRENs. u can take ur ass and beat it boy. its good if ure reading this. coz talking to u is ma most nightmare. frens dun treat each otha coldly. ouh i forgot! are we even frens in the first place? naah i didnt remember.

crap.

alcohol overload which is not good.

need to jog and gym.

ohhhh why?

damn christmas season.



well time to have some smasshing insane crazy psycho mad sick killer twarting mind numbing sneezing foo fighter jizztastic peanut remember-able but forgettable in that sense kinda fun.

its oways fun to have fun with the soulmate. had some moments of our own. went swimming at sengkang swimming complex. yeah a first timer indeed. i oways had to travel to jurong for swimming. but now with better facilities i so much prefer going sengkang instead. hee. we took the highest twister slide which is not that high but scary for me thou. haa. went to the deepest pool and drowned maself. jacuzzi was great too. and ouh! the kids pool was great. exactly the same as wild wild wet. indoor pool which is the size of an olympic pool. super big. and hell yeah. i didnt manage to clear even a lap. too big yaw! im so gonna bring ma cousins dere IF i gt the time.

ouh wells. and now im down with flu. stupid flu. had to continue work tmr! hmm. fun oways ended up so fast. and work? it oways ended up super late and dreadful. why ouh why?

ive made ma decisions to quit meridian. i oreadi tendered ma notice. 31 december will be ma last day. and i'll be joining ma new place next year on 4th of jan 2010. i dun understand why isit so difficult for the folks to understand whats going thru ma mind, why i decided to quit, why this and why that. and i dun freaking understand why they are being so petty over this small decision that ive made. its not like gonna elope with some guy whom i just know for weeks or i got pregnant and dunnoe whu the father was. like, i know rite? its acceptable to go thru this with ur daughter whu is still searching for jobs that suits her soul. i mean, whats the point nagging and pinning me down about work when i maself dun feel that ma current job is giving me happiness.

ok fine. the new place that i'll be joining, i dun even noe what will ma fate be. but at least let me try. and they're sponsoring ma education. i accept the fact that im slow. but i'll pick up the pace. handling that age group will be tough. and fuck, i dun have the experience. TRY! lemme try for goodness sake! 45mins from home sounds great. i bet i will have time to do ma responsibilities as a muslim when im having breaks. cum on! all this depends on me whether i wanna do it or not. it doesnt count when im doing it for parent's sake does it?

dad, ur advice doesnt sounds like an advice but a treaten to me. giving me all the bad scenarios if i were to join the new place. and stop comparing me and the cousins. what the fuck? they are who they are. and im just me. accept it that ur freaking daughter is stubborn and her decisions are final? i love u dad. but why are u saying all this to make me feel bad? i google about the school and made ma homework even before making ma decisions. its a well known school, hello? i hate it when being compared. everyone is different in their own ways. im special in ma own ways. and so are u. and mom, u start giving me this look when i said i oreadi tendered. and ouh yes. i jolly well know what that means. ur silence are killing me. ur stares stabbed ma heart. whats the point giving me all the looks and advice when yall actually want me to follow what yall want. huh? at the end of each convo, im the one who has to decide still. when i oreadi decide, yall get mad. i seriously dun get it.

im immune to all this actually. but hell, it hurts each time it happens. everyone except ma folks wants me to continue this new job. its an eye opener and baby steps to achieve what i want. people oways say, the folks will be able to foresee the future of a their child. but i think, their predictions will change if i manage to pull it thru. Dear God, show me the way.

xoxo.

ACC201 Financial Accounting F 0.00 BUS107 Quantitative Methods A- 4.50 MTH103 Calculus and Statistics A+ 5.00 MTH203 Further Calculus and Algebra C 2.00

....I've finally returned to my dear old journal. I don't know if there's even anyone following with this blog anymore but I've missed penning down my thoughts, memories and photoblogging. So much have happened and here we all are at the end of 2009 and welcoming another fresh new year, 2010. A new year, new resolutions. I'm anxious yet nervous as the year 2010 draws near. 14 more days to date. I know there will be more stuff, good or bad, waiting for me. I guess I just need to have faith and embrace it with open arms.